One-Way Interview

Johnny Carson’s Burfie pulls him through door and into the hallway.

“Welcome to the human race. Exit is that way,” Carson mutters as he gets his balance and straightens his tie and sets off to find the bathroom.

It was not to be. 

His Burfie stops him – pulling Carson to a metal pole with a blinking yellow light.

Darth Vader approaches. In his soulless voice, he says:

“I’m so glad I found you, Great Carnac.  We’ve got the interviews set up for you in the One-Way Pavilion in one-way booths.”

The Burfies are synching. 

Carson sees the Darth Vader Burfie and his own blinking in unison. 

He can’t stop the download, but he lied to his Burfie. 

That’s how he knows a Burfie contact from a real contact.  Anyone who calls him the Great Carnac and thinks he was born in Nebraska was a Burfie contact. 

“One-way interviews?” asks Johnny Carson.

“Yes. That’s what is next on the agenda.”

“What is a one-way interview?” he asks.

“Like jeopardy.  They give you the answer and then you frame the question.”

“What’s the point of that?”

“Making sure that you don’t get sued.   Avoiding fines.  Recognizing where your bread is buttered. Keeping the Headless Horseman happy.”

“Then why have an interview at all?”

“We all need to get paid.” 

Johnny Carson shrugs his shoulders, unbuttons the button of his pants, and climbs on the transport with its twirling light. 

“We all need to get paid…”  Honestly, who is he to argue with that? 

King of Late Night television.  He’d done alright for himself.

Though his wealth would not even rate First Class in today’s Big Beautiful Government…

They are raking in money all over the world.

Johnny Carson was once one of the richest men in the country. 

And he cannot deny the pleasures that money bought.  Lying on his yacht at night looking at a bowl of stars all around him… That, alone, was worth a lifetime of hard work…

But, one-way interviews?

That might be too much. 

He had done things he regretted in his life.  But he had never sold his audience to anyone else.

He had never deceived his audience. 

Everything he did from the moment the red light was on, was to bring the audience closer to him and his guest.

Interviews were what Johnny Carson loved most.

 He never talked to a guest before the show – even if they were the best of friends – especially if they were good friends.

That moment of initial greeting welded them altogether – himself, his guest, the audience..

After that: the interview grows the way vines inner-twine.  They come their own entity — merged and in synch.

That connection was the key to his livelihood. The basis for his success.

The reason no woman ever trusted him to be monogamous. 

A one-way interview?

Might as well be fiction.

Johnny Carson is motioned onto a VIP cart to whizz past the people with their luggage, run down those who might impede the way.  

The transport stops.  “That’s it, Sir,” says Darth Vader.   

Johnny Carson climbs off and turns to ask the Darth Vader where he is, what he’s supposed to do, and where he’s supposed to go.

But Darth Vader has fulfilled its mission.

The man is gone. 

If there was ever a man inside at .